----------------------------------------------------------------------- "To be able to adapt to a situation to the correct degree...." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- It is ridiculous to respond to someone's overtures with something that causes offense because it has simply been tossed off without due thought. One should take care to give an appropriate response. This is what is meant by the saying, "Sensitivity is a precious gift." Why should self-satisfied smugness be seen as a sign of wisdom? And there again, why should one continually interfere with other people's lives? To be able to adapt to a situation to the correct degree and then to act accordingly seems to be extremely difficult for most people.... Once one has entered this kind of service, even the highest born of ladies learns how to adapt; but our women still act as though they were little girls who had never left home. ----------------------------------------- "I had entered a different world." ----------------------------------------- As I watched the rather drab scene at home, I felt both depressed and confused. For some years now I had existed from day to day in listless fashion, taking notes of the flowers, the birds in song, the way the skies change from season to season, the moon, the frost and snow, doing little more than registering the passage of time. How would it all turn out? The thought of my continuing loneliness was unbearable, and yet I had managed to exchange sympathetic letters with those of like mind---some contacted via fairly tenuous connections---who would discuss my trifling tales and other matters with me; but I was merely amusing myself with fictions, finding solace for my idleness in foolish words.... I tried reading the Tale again, but it did not seem to be the same as before and I was disappointed. Those with whom I had discussed things of mutual interest---how vain and frivolous they must consider me now.... Those in whose eyes I had wished to be of some consequence undoubtedly thought of me now as no more than a common lady-in-waiting who would treat their letters with scant respect.... There were others who no longer came to see me, assuming that I was now of no fixed abode. Indeed everything, however slight, conspired to make me feel as if I had entered a different world.... It struck me as a sad truth that the only people left to me were those of my constant companions at court for whom I felt a certain affection, and those with whom I could exchange a secret or two, with whom I happened to be on good terms at the present moment.... Had I then succumbed to life at court? -------------------------------------------------- "I still fret over what others think of me." -------------------------------------------------- Why should I hesitate to say what I want to? Whatever others might say, I intend to immerse myself in reading sutras for Amida Buddha. Since I have lost what little attachment I ever had for the pains life has to offer, you might expect me to become a nun without delay. But even supposing I were to commit myself and turn my back on the world, I am certain there would be moments of irresolution before Amida came for me riding on his clouds. And thus I hesitate.... ....[M]ind you, if this letter ever got into the wrong hands it would be a disaster ---there are ears everywhere.... So you see, I still fret over what others think of me, and, if I had to sum up my position, I would have to admit that I still retain a deep sense of attachment to this world. But what can I do about it?
